Please Be Mine...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=WpkB2XgbTUY&mode=related&search=

NEWAYS...
Life these days is...tiring. i'm so tired all the time and i'm not sure why. Just so exhausted. It's sorta strange. I'm trying to figure out what God wants of me...but i can't seem to figure out what he wants. What i need to do...What is my purpose in life? Sometimes i just can't see it. At all. And i guess that makes life really hard. I want to have a purpose. What am i here for?

I need something to do to pass the time. This is one boring blog lately;) haha. sorry guys...What can i say? i'm just sort of a boring individual;) haha.

Tonight i've got choir practice and Core Groups. I love core groups! i always look forward to it:) haha.

sigh..anways...i guess i'll spare you any more boredom.

EXPLODING.

Ok...so sometimes i feel like my heart his exploding inside my chest. I miss people so much sometimes that it's overpowering. has anyone ever felt that? i can't even begin to explain how much i miss the humans in indonesia. it's insane really. however..i still totally LOVE my friends here. i know i've said it all before..but it's hard to work through.

My life has recently been turned upside down i do believe. and i have NO idea how to deal. I was just going along, minding my own business and WHAM. i got broadsided. not literally..but yeah..u get the picture.

Sorry ..i'm not a very interesting human lately. But sometimes life isn't events..it's the little moments that are special. wow. deep;) haha.

ok..this makes my day..everytime:)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=IyaqFKeOquI

haha.:)

LOVE U ALL.

Authenticity

Tonight was Crave...which is the Youth worship service at my church, SMBC. I always enjoy going to church on Wednesday nights. I like it because it seems to break up my week and refresh me. It usually helps to point me in the right direction and gives me encouragement to finish the week strong in Jesus. Anyway, the point. Tonight Melanie Dill was speaking. She really gave me some thoughts to think about. She talked about stewardship. How we need to be good stewards of relationships with believers and pre-believers. What really hit me is when she talked about aunthenticity. She was saying that the best way to be in a relationship is to be REAL. To be aunthentic in who you are, what you believe, what you're going through. And that really struck a chord in me i guess. I guess i realize that i haven't been fully honest with certain people who are some of my best friends. I can think of one specifically. And, that's not good really. Because i don't know...maybe me being dishonest with them about this thing is a wall in our friendship. I've gone through a similar experience before...however, each experience is different...maybe i need to do what the song, Just So You Know says..."Gotta say it all before i go..just so you know". It's so frustrating. I'm just not sure what i need to do. I'm not sure what GOD wants me to do. I absolutely canNOT imagine telling this person...but...what if i should? what if i need to?? it's all too confusing. And it makes me feel vulnerable. Which i guess is something i need to be. Also, i feel like i'm not quite my real self here in the USA...like maybe i'm holding back...maybe i need to just be ME here. maybe the people here will still love me for who i am...and maybe it'll be good for me to be authentic with them. i just don't know. and it's sort of scary in a way...

Just a Thought...

Hugs...

Just So You Know.....
This song by Jesse McCartney..i can't get it out of my head. Maybe because it feels so very real to me...it just seems to express the way i feel. Not sure if that's good or bad. "I shouldn't love you but i want to.." "i shouldn't see you but i can't move, i can't look away, and i don't know how to be fine when i'm not cuz i dont know how to make a feeling stop.." Isn't that frustrating?
Isn't it sort of a blessing when you can find a song that expresses your feelings? I think it helps, if you can't write your own songs that is. We all need expression. Ya know?

Now...the title of this blog...HUGS. First, what is a hug? it evokes different emotions in different people. for me..a hug is an expression of love for someone. because...for me..touch is my love language. i have to be touched to really and truly feel loved. and hugs to me mean so much. Seems that lately i'm not getting a whole lot of hugs..but that's bound to be the case. I'm in a new place...people don't know me. Life just works that way. I want my hugs to mean something. And i'm going to refer to "Just So You Know" again...at the end of the music video...the best hug. i need one like that.

Another topic...
one that i think i'll explore a little more in depth a bit later....
what is that feeling..deep in a girl's soul..maybe it's more of a longing...to be cherished...but for me..it's almost a craving..a craving to be loved..and thus hugged...huh. interesting. i'll explore that later i guess..

God Bless....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pts-t0mGEYE

Today

Today is Wednesday. A typical day in the life basically. Sometimes I have the urge to write, and i suppose i will when that urge arises. But please don't be surprised if i dont' keep up with this as much as i should. i guess my blog will just be what it's called...my musings. on life, love, the pursuit of happiness...what God has in store. that kinda stuff. i don't expect many people to read it. thankfully. :)

So right this second, i'm feelins a little bit tired. However, i'm going to a worship service at church fairly soon. It should be refreshing. It's finally half way through the week. Sometimes the days just seem to run together, nothing different, nothing to wake me up. I try to keep in interesting though. so keep up!

God Bless..