Broken pieces
In my hand
Did you really think it would make you a man?
To take that hammer
Swing it hard
Bring it down on my heart
Flying shards
Hit my eyes
Tears escape
As i fumble
With the tape
The tape is weak
It will not work
My heart can't withstand another jerk
I grasp for a bottle of glue
I empty it out
The pieces float about
The glue has failed
I try again
But all hope is lost
As the pieces of my heart
Are nowhere to be found
Then from somewhere
I see a hand
It finds a piece
It puts it back
Why did you not
Look to me?
I'm shocked by
The heart i see
It sits there full
A little cracked
But God has gone
And put it back
He knows just where
The pieces fit
And yet i didn't think
To trust him with it
He lifts the heart
And smiles at me
This is my heart you see
You gave it to me long ago
And yet you've tried to
Give it away
To others who have
Promised love
You never did
Look up above
To see me crying up there
I knew each boy was not for you
I tried to tell
You didn't hear
Please listen now my dear
Your heart is mine
Let it be
I will keep it safe you see
In my hands
So you can rest
Don't try to find someone else
I'll never swing that hammer
I will never drop it
I never get too tired, too weak, or too bored.
Your heart is precious.
To me.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Memories
Pictures up on my wall
Tape loses its stickiness
The pictures fall
And they gather
Like so many fallen leaves
On my floor
Ripped down
My memories captured
In color, black and white, sepia tones
The pictures send me back
To that one place
With that one friend
Where we did that one thing
New tape goes on the back
I press, my hands smoothing my memory
Back onto my wall
A collage of memories
A tear slips down my cheek whilst a smile plays on my lips
Mixed up
Emotions
Reactions
To memories...
Tape loses its stickiness
The pictures fall
And they gather
Like so many fallen leaves
On my floor
Ripped down
My memories captured
In color, black and white, sepia tones
The pictures send me back
To that one place
With that one friend
Where we did that one thing
New tape goes on the back
I press, my hands smoothing my memory
Back onto my wall
A collage of memories
A tear slips down my cheek whilst a smile plays on my lips
Mixed up
Emotions
Reactions
To memories...
One, Two, Three
One
i'm in love with this one
he makes me burst with love
when i think i'm done
my heart shows me it has so much more
it overflows with love for this one
One
Two
i know he's not for me
he's too up and too down
i can easily see
that we aren't right
but i'm still drawn to his sensitive soul
Two
Three
He's so quiet and shy
But when we talk it reminds me of one other i knew
and i just cannot lie
i want to talk to him all the time
and i really dont know what to do
Three
One, Two, Three
they all confuse me
three hearts that my heart longs to see up close
which one which one
i know none are plausible
but my heart has to know which path to walk in
or it'll explode with insanity
confusion envelops my heart
it never was this hard when it was just one
add two and three and i can't figure it out
One, Two, Three
i'm in love with this one
he makes me burst with love
when i think i'm done
my heart shows me it has so much more
it overflows with love for this one
One
Two
i know he's not for me
he's too up and too down
i can easily see
that we aren't right
but i'm still drawn to his sensitive soul
Two
Three
He's so quiet and shy
But when we talk it reminds me of one other i knew
and i just cannot lie
i want to talk to him all the time
and i really dont know what to do
Three
One, Two, Three
they all confuse me
three hearts that my heart longs to see up close
which one which one
i know none are plausible
but my heart has to know which path to walk in
or it'll explode with insanity
confusion envelops my heart
it never was this hard when it was just one
add two and three and i can't figure it out
One, Two, Three
Sunday, October 19, 2008
The Voice
Impossible
The voice screams in my ear
When you're looking at me like that
It's your imagination
Is all i hear
When we stand together like this
He can't love you
Hisses the voice
As we go for a walk
You're not good enough
The voice taunts
As i look in the mirror in your eyes
He doesn't want you
The voice screams
I shiver and pull away
He'll never want you
The voice drives it home
As i pick up speed, faster and faster
You are unlovable
The voice reminds me
I throw myself down
You are ugly
The voice assures me
As i wish for your hand in mine
No guy will ever love you or need you or want you
The voice plays like a song in my head
My heart is shredded
No one. Never. No way.
The voice seems to be all i hear
It drowns out your words of love
It drowns out God's words of assurance
It drowns out that look in your eyes saying you want me
It drowns out my friends, saying its a lie
It drowns out all else
It has always been there
I can't imagine a day without it
It is apart of me
I believe the voice
I believe the lies
I believe them.
There is no way out.
No way at all.
For i am not good enough
I am not pretty enough
I am not funny enough
I am not smart enough
I am not godly enough
I will never be appealing to you
I will never be able to grab your hand
I will never feel the love i crave
For I am not enough.
I am never enough.
You try to grab my hand
I dont even notice
For the voice tells me it is pity in your eyes
Not love
The voice says the words "i love you" are all a big lie
I cry
The voice persists
I scream
The voice never lifts
I pray
The voice retreats
But it is still there.
A whisper on the edge of my conscious
It gnaws at me
It scrapes at me
It cleans my heart out
I am a shell.
A hurting shell
A shell that is being filled with a voice
A lying voice
But i dont know
How to shut it
up
out
down
The voice screams in my ear
When you're looking at me like that
It's your imagination
Is all i hear
When we stand together like this
He can't love you
Hisses the voice
As we go for a walk
You're not good enough
The voice taunts
As i look in the mirror in your eyes
He doesn't want you
The voice screams
I shiver and pull away
He'll never want you
The voice drives it home
As i pick up speed, faster and faster
You are unlovable
The voice reminds me
I throw myself down
You are ugly
The voice assures me
As i wish for your hand in mine
No guy will ever love you or need you or want you
The voice plays like a song in my head
My heart is shredded
No one. Never. No way.
The voice seems to be all i hear
It drowns out your words of love
It drowns out God's words of assurance
It drowns out that look in your eyes saying you want me
It drowns out my friends, saying its a lie
It drowns out all else
It has always been there
I can't imagine a day without it
It is apart of me
I believe the voice
I believe the lies
I believe them.
There is no way out.
No way at all.
For i am not good enough
I am not pretty enough
I am not funny enough
I am not smart enough
I am not godly enough
I will never be appealing to you
I will never be able to grab your hand
I will never feel the love i crave
For I am not enough.
I am never enough.
You try to grab my hand
I dont even notice
For the voice tells me it is pity in your eyes
Not love
The voice says the words "i love you" are all a big lie
I cry
The voice persists
I scream
The voice never lifts
I pray
The voice retreats
But it is still there.
A whisper on the edge of my conscious
It gnaws at me
It scrapes at me
It cleans my heart out
I am a shell.
A hurting shell
A shell that is being filled with a voice
A lying voice
But i dont know
How to shut it
up
out
down
Saturday, October 18, 2008
...dont let go
icy hands
will you warm them?
tenderly
are you cold then?
grasp my hand
and tangle those fingers
with mine
the warmth edges in
tingling up my arm
you are
you are
holding my hand
holding my hand
i scream
i melt
i dance
i sing
you are
you are
holding my hand
holding my hand
i steal a glimpse
at your face
its covered in a smile
i love that look on your face
it mirrors mine
your thumb runs over mine
a reassuring squeeze is transferred
from you to me
you are
you are
holding my hand
holding my hand
don't let go
don't leave
drag me along
keep holding my hand
please just let our fingers
be locked forever
this is what it feels like
to be connected
you are
you are
holding my hand
holding my hand
will you warm them?
tenderly
are you cold then?
grasp my hand
and tangle those fingers
with mine
the warmth edges in
tingling up my arm
you are
you are
holding my hand
holding my hand
i scream
i melt
i dance
i sing
you are
you are
holding my hand
holding my hand
i steal a glimpse
at your face
its covered in a smile
i love that look on your face
it mirrors mine
your thumb runs over mine
a reassuring squeeze is transferred
from you to me
you are
you are
holding my hand
holding my hand
don't let go
don't leave
drag me along
keep holding my hand
please just let our fingers
be locked forever
this is what it feels like
to be connected
you are
you are
holding my hand
holding my hand
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Blue and Gold
i bleed blue with golden flecks.
cuz i know its true.
i know i bleed the color of your eyes.
you prick my finger
and it is clear
i knew it all along
i bleed the color of your eyes.
you look at me in disbelief.
i see your eyes darken to a stormy shade
and there goes my heart
when you cut it with your blade.
it adjusts to your eyes.
i laugh at the look on your face
i ask you if you didnt believe me
you shake your head
and we're in a pool of blue now
with golden flecks swirling around.
this blood is beautiful
but it doesnt hurt
it doesnt drain my heart.
it simply gives me that dizzy feeling.
when i know i'm in love.
you touch the wound over my heart
and ask if it was because of you
i nod my head and look into those blue pools
you desperately try to stop the bleeding.
you look at my heart
you look in my eyes
you lean in
you kiss me
and take my breath away
and there's no more blood
no more blue and gold reaching our ankles
your eyes are closed.
mine are too.
and we float.
and i open my eyes
i see the blue. i see the gold.
but its only in your eyes.
you healed my heart.
that is so morbid. lol. but i think i might like it..maybe.
cuz i know its true.
i know i bleed the color of your eyes.
you prick my finger
and it is clear
i knew it all along
i bleed the color of your eyes.
you look at me in disbelief.
i see your eyes darken to a stormy shade
and there goes my heart
when you cut it with your blade.
it adjusts to your eyes.
i laugh at the look on your face
i ask you if you didnt believe me
you shake your head
and we're in a pool of blue now
with golden flecks swirling around.
this blood is beautiful
but it doesnt hurt
it doesnt drain my heart.
it simply gives me that dizzy feeling.
when i know i'm in love.
you touch the wound over my heart
and ask if it was because of you
i nod my head and look into those blue pools
you desperately try to stop the bleeding.
you look at my heart
you look in my eyes
you lean in
you kiss me
and take my breath away
and there's no more blood
no more blue and gold reaching our ankles
your eyes are closed.
mine are too.
and we float.
and i open my eyes
i see the blue. i see the gold.
but its only in your eyes.
you healed my heart.
that is so morbid. lol. but i think i might like it..maybe.
iLove
Blue eyes
Straight through
My heart
They stare
They see the true
Me that is in there
Those hands
Touch mine
And I feel
The flow of
Electricity
Straight to my heart
And it beats
And I love
Because of you
I love
Your words
Slip out
Of your beautiful mouth
You tell me about
Your future
It scares me
My blue eyes
Fill up
With water
And I overflow
With love
Dripping down my cheeks
I hang my head
You look away
What you said
Causes much pain
You tell me
You’ll stick around
Just wait and see
But in my heart I know
That you’ll go
Far away
Never to return
The blue eyes
That see me
Will see another being
Who’s love won’t drip
Down their cheeks
Or spill out of
Their heart
Their heart won’t explode
Like mine
Because of you
I love
You pull me in
Wrap me in tangible love
But it is different than mine
We love in two ways
Far apart
You love as a friend
I love beyond the end
Of your clear blue eyes
That stare
Straight through me
Because of you
I love
Straight through
My heart
They stare
They see the true
Me that is in there
Those hands
Touch mine
And I feel
The flow of
Electricity
Straight to my heart
And it beats
And I love
Because of you
I love
Your words
Slip out
Of your beautiful mouth
You tell me about
Your future
It scares me
My blue eyes
Fill up
With water
And I overflow
With love
Dripping down my cheeks
I hang my head
You look away
What you said
Causes much pain
You tell me
You’ll stick around
Just wait and see
But in my heart I know
That you’ll go
Far away
Never to return
The blue eyes
That see me
Will see another being
Who’s love won’t drip
Down their cheeks
Or spill out of
Their heart
Their heart won’t explode
Like mine
Because of you
I love
You pull me in
Wrap me in tangible love
But it is different than mine
We love in two ways
Far apart
You love as a friend
I love beyond the end
Of your clear blue eyes
That stare
Straight through me
Because of you
I love
Sunday, October 12, 2008
random tangent? yes please.
talk about tomorrows? no thanks.
you say you love me? yeah right.
we laugh. we sigh.
we cry. we hate.
you wave goodbye? i'm sure.
you refuse to look at a calendar? i'm with you.
you say we can't? i knew it.
we kick. we sit.
we try. we fail.
you write my name? without your's after it.
can we go for a walk? try and stop us.
will you pinky promise? anything to touch your hand.
we pray. we smile.
we talk. we leave.
will you still be there? i can't promise.
can i show you i care? if you don't break my heart.
do you want a hug? that shouldn't even be a question.
we push. we shove.
we surrender. we love.
why can't we be together? our hearts pull apart.
can i see you? not through the window.
will you hold me? as long as my arms can manage.
we can't. we won't.
we want. we will.
i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you.
talk about tomorrows? no thanks.
you say you love me? yeah right.
we laugh. we sigh.
we cry. we hate.
you wave goodbye? i'm sure.
you refuse to look at a calendar? i'm with you.
you say we can't? i knew it.
we kick. we sit.
we try. we fail.
you write my name? without your's after it.
can we go for a walk? try and stop us.
will you pinky promise? anything to touch your hand.
we pray. we smile.
we talk. we leave.
will you still be there? i can't promise.
can i show you i care? if you don't break my heart.
do you want a hug? that shouldn't even be a question.
we push. we shove.
we surrender. we love.
why can't we be together? our hearts pull apart.
can i see you? not through the window.
will you hold me? as long as my arms can manage.
we can't. we won't.
we want. we will.
i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Just Friends.
I wrote this song about David. he really likes it. so i guess i should put it up..
We’re just friends
We really are
No matter what signals we send
Or how many times I ride in your car
We’re just friends
It’s really true
I promise it’s not pretend
I know you’ll see me through
You’re a guy
I’m a girl
I don’t need to try
To fit in your world
Cuz I do
I love you
You love me
Cuz we just do
And we just are
Friends
They all think
That we’re more
They see a link
That’s what heart’s are for
They all think
I like you
But I think
You like me too
Just not like that
You’re a guy
I’m a girl
I don’t need to try
To fit in your world
Cuz I do
I love you
You love me
Cuz we just do
And we just are
Friends
We’re just friends
We really are
No matter what signals we send
Or how many times I ride in your car
We’re just friends
It’s really true
I promise it’s not pretend
I know you’ll see me through
You’re a guy
I’m a girl
I don’t need to try
To fit in your world
Cuz I do
I love you
You love me
Cuz we just do
And we just are
Friends
They all think
That we’re more
They see a link
That’s what heart’s are for
They all think
I like you
But I think
You like me too
Just not like that
You’re a guy
I’m a girl
I don’t need to try
To fit in your world
Cuz I do
I love you
You love me
Cuz we just do
And we just are
Friends
Boy and Girl.
I wrote this song when i woke up from a dream a week ago or so. Slighly mushy. But honest.
Boy and Girl
I woke up with a smile on my face
Cuz it’s your lips I could taste
I could feel your fingers sliding through mine
As we took the world without a look behind
You stare me down with liquid blue
I look up and sear right through
Your great big walls that push me out
The weight that tries to hold me down
I love you and no one else
Won’t try to keep it to myself
I want you more and more each day
I want you more than I can say
I want your heart to be all mine
I want your eyes for me to shine
I want your love
That’s all I ask
So please oh please take off your mask
My blood meets skin
As I feel the blush
Rise up my neck and fill my face
When I see you and you see me
Your heart and mine give way to chase
You guard your mouth and guard your eyes
Oh please just don’t shut me out
Throw off this weight that holds me down
I love you and no one else
Won’t try to keep it to myself
I want you more and more each day
I want you more than I can say
I want your heart to be all mine
I want your eyes for me to shine
I want your love
That’s all I ask
So please oh please take off your mask
So love me
Choose me
Pick me please
So take me
Hold me
Cherish me
Boy and Girl
I woke up with a smile on my face
Cuz it’s your lips I could taste
I could feel your fingers sliding through mine
As we took the world without a look behind
You stare me down with liquid blue
I look up and sear right through
Your great big walls that push me out
The weight that tries to hold me down
I love you and no one else
Won’t try to keep it to myself
I want you more and more each day
I want you more than I can say
I want your heart to be all mine
I want your eyes for me to shine
I want your love
That’s all I ask
So please oh please take off your mask
My blood meets skin
As I feel the blush
Rise up my neck and fill my face
When I see you and you see me
Your heart and mine give way to chase
You guard your mouth and guard your eyes
Oh please just don’t shut me out
Throw off this weight that holds me down
I love you and no one else
Won’t try to keep it to myself
I want you more and more each day
I want you more than I can say
I want your heart to be all mine
I want your eyes for me to shine
I want your love
That’s all I ask
So please oh please take off your mask
So love me
Choose me
Pick me please
So take me
Hold me
Cherish me
bubble tea
so i know that no one but abby reads this blog. so abby-here's a story for u:)
so i was at the girls basketball game. totally kinda pretty bored. so i text david. i say..yo..come to the game. i didnt think he'd come. guess WHAT. he totally showed. WITH BUBBLE TEA. made my week.
so anyways. that was a happy story.
i miss jerome. lots. lots lots lots. aduhlah. i hate this. i hate feeling like all my hoping and loving i for NOTHING. its frustrating. and i dont really know how to describe how it hurts my heart. breaks it. shatters it. and no one really gets it.
i need hugs way more than i am receiving them lately.
i love u abby. haha. alot.
and anyone else who reads this. cuz at least u care. maybe.
so i was at the girls basketball game. totally kinda pretty bored. so i text david. i say..yo..come to the game. i didnt think he'd come. guess WHAT. he totally showed. WITH BUBBLE TEA. made my week.
so anyways. that was a happy story.
i miss jerome. lots. lots lots lots. aduhlah. i hate this. i hate feeling like all my hoping and loving i for NOTHING. its frustrating. and i dont really know how to describe how it hurts my heart. breaks it. shatters it. and no one really gets it.
i need hugs way more than i am receiving them lately.
i love u abby. haha. alot.
and anyone else who reads this. cuz at least u care. maybe.
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