Friday, December 26, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Christmas Eve in Singapore
Merry Christmas
the eve thereof
We're walking the streets of Singapore
Wet, dark, thick air
I breathe in and look at the lights
There are no stars
Only the manmade ones that line the buildings
We smile and pout for the camera
Turn back and see the flash, flash, flash
Of the paparazzi we hired to follow us around
Friends on a Christmas eve
Sprinting all over the wet side walk
Trying not to slip and fall
Into the river
Reflecting red, green, pink, purple, blue
Toxic water it would seem
We step into the boat
Rockin back and forth
We float past fairy castles lit up at midnight
The dark is tangible, sitting next to me
My hand aches and tingles
Hold it won't you?
The whole night, i wasn't lonely
Friends and lightbulbs are all i need
Fairy Christmas trees and elusive raindrops
But right then in that boat
I needed you next to me
I needed you so badly
Christmas eve in Singapore
Chasing the last minutes before the clock strikes 12
Kissing the air for the camera
Soaking up the twinkly lights
And all i wanted was you next to me
I needed you so badly.
Let's go chase the lights together.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
It's a Conspiracy.
It's a conspiracy
Everywhere i go seems to play your songs
When i'm hanging out with another guy
Everywhere we pass plays a song that reminds me of you
It's a conspiracy
Every single sky is the color of your eyes.
That blue that captures hearts
Every sky i see has you all over it.
It's a conspiracy
Even watching someone else play basketball brings you to mind
I see you dribble, shoot, score, nice outside shot.
I see you sweating your heart out
It's a conspiracy
Every pizza has mushrooms on it
You hate mushrooms and i remember when you picked them off
Stupid mushrooms, just go away
It's a conspiracy
The only movies my family wants to watch are ones we watched together.
IT'S CALLED A LANCE, HELLOOO
And all i can do is laugh and hold back tears
It's a conspiracy
A twisted, sick conspiracy.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Aduhlah. There went my dream dust.
I blink the dream dust out of my eyes.
All the sparkling dust says goodbye.
You were kissing me just a moment ago.
At least, in my dreams it was so.
But i blinked that dream dust out of my eyes.
And there you went.
Floating along, ever so sparkly
I am a dreamer.
As unhealthy as it is.
I am a schemer.
And wish to no longer be a "miss"
I cannot dream
I cannot scheme
I CANT EVEN WRITE POETRY DECENTLY.
Gosh danggit boy!
Get outta my head
Get outta my heart!
Aduhlah.
David.
I laugh at David.
He laughs at me.
We laugh at all the fools we see.
For we see many
Fools that is
Oh we see plenty
People playing
At their silly little games.
I laugh at David
He laughs at me
We laugh at all the fools we see.
They think they've got it right
When clearly they've got it wrong.
How awful it must be
To be a fool who trips on their feet
We're so perfect
Can't you see?
We've got the answers.
You shall see.
I laugh at David
He laughs at me
We laugh at all the fools we see.
I Can't Be Sure
He told me i was enough.
Just the other day.
He knew my day had been rough.
He had the words to say.
He told me that my eyes were blue.
Blue enough for him.
He said he loved my smile too.
And prayed it'd never dim.
He looked at me and said the phrase
The one i've waited for
That phrase, it had me in a daze
It warmed me to the core
He mouthed "i love you"
Across the room
I mouthed "i love you too"
But now I feel this impending doom
I push it away, away this time
I love how this love feels
I know that nothing is mine
But i am what you steal
I stand right here by your side
And look out at the waves
I watch the flow and ebb of tide
The memories i'll save
I wake up today
And pinch myself to reassure
That it hasn't all been fake
But i can't be sure
I can't be sure.
Friday, December 19, 2008
It Hurts. Oh It Hurts.
pictures in the eyes.
flashing pain.
she hurts.
oh she hurts.
heart is in her eyes
beating pain.
she hurts.
oh she hurts.
hand prints on her waist.
abusive boy.
they burn.
oh they burn.
scars on her thighs
where she cut
and they're deep
oh they're deep
streaks of blood on her lips
where he bit
and she cries
oh she cries
bruised wrists
where he held
and she pulled
how she pulled
swirling hair
in her eyes
in her eyes
a picture
of a girl
in her underwear
shame.
shame covers her.
she won't look you in the eye.
a picture of a boy
with gleaming eyes
he is hungry
he won't wait
a picture of a girl
a picture of a boy
she will die
he is high
date rape.
make it stop.
make it stop.
he doesnt love you
he doesnt.
He loves you.
He loves you.
Jesus loves you.
You don't need the sick boy you see
Lock him out of your room.
Please my darling.
Please.
Cuz it hurts
Oh it hurts.
He likes my eyes?
he likes my eyes?
he likes my eyes.
he likes my eyes!
Repeated.
Again.
and
Again.
I read it.
Again.
and
Again.
It's there in black and white
Just so that i can't deny
that he. likes. my. eyes.
My smile too
He told me so
See?
And he likes my voice.
When i sing.
I have no choice
But to sing.
And to open my eyes.
And smile nonstop.
Cuz.
he likes my eyes.
he likes my smile.
he likes my voice.
O dear.
he doesn't like me.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
HURTTTTSSSSSS
mmmm. sick.
yep.
sick.
the world is full of black
dark
sickness.
oh. and broken hearts.
plenty of those.
my heart adds to the death count.
my name is on the epitaph
gravestone
for all the broken hearts
in the WORLD
it's a biggg cemetary
and i HATE YOU
YOU TOOK THAT STUPID HAMMER
YOU PROMISED.
you lied.
oh yes. you lied
you're a liar
you lied to me
oh.
i hate me
cuz i'm nothing that you want
i'm everything you dont
i'm no lady
cuz i'm loud
i'm expressive
i'm not prim
i'm not dainty
i'm big and loud and can't shut up
GRAWR
so watch out
cuz i hurt
i might get you all wet
with my tears
ugh.
heart hurts now
so i'll say goodbye
but not really
cuz i'm desperate to keep talking to you
despite the fact that you broke my heart
you still hold the glue
at least...thats what i tell myself
oh just go away!
but please stay.
yep.
sick.
the world is full of black
dark
sickness.
oh. and broken hearts.
plenty of those.
my heart adds to the death count.
my name is on the epitaph
gravestone
for all the broken hearts
in the WORLD
it's a biggg cemetary
and i HATE YOU
YOU TOOK THAT STUPID HAMMER
YOU PROMISED.
you lied.
oh yes. you lied
you're a liar
you lied to me
oh.
i hate me
cuz i'm nothing that you want
i'm everything you dont
i'm no lady
cuz i'm loud
i'm expressive
i'm not prim
i'm not dainty
i'm big and loud and can't shut up
GRAWR
so watch out
cuz i hurt
i might get you all wet
with my tears
ugh.
heart hurts now
so i'll say goodbye
but not really
cuz i'm desperate to keep talking to you
despite the fact that you broke my heart
you still hold the glue
at least...thats what i tell myself
oh just go away!
but please stay.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
I wish it were you...
He's gorgeous
I whisper inside my head
Cuz even in my head
The thought can't be loud
You look different to me today
I see your eyes from behind your glasses
Brown and deep
They seem to search me
Your sleeves pushed up
Your hair messed up
Bare foot and comfortable
In your own space
You won't look at me
Unless i look away
Then i catch your eyes
And hold them for a second
Sitting five feet away
But you seem to radiate heat
And i feel my cheeks darken
At the thought of you being so near
Not like the other night
When you sat twenty feet away
The darkened room had me
Looking down the row at your profile
I wished you were there
To fill the empty seat
Next to me
To hold my hand during the scary parts
But that's not how you work
You wouldn't hold my hand if my life was dependent on it
I want you so badly
To be the last guy i like
Someone snaps their fingers
Twice in front of my eyes
I blink back the dreams
And see things realistically
Poof. There you go
Right out of my future
You couldn't be with me
Never with me
And the thought has me walking out of the room
Headed for the bathroom
With its large supply of tissue
To help sop up the steady flow of tears down my cheeks
I wish it were you
I wish i was her
Whoever she is
She gets you and i'm jealous
I whisper inside my head
Cuz even in my head
The thought can't be loud
You look different to me today
I see your eyes from behind your glasses
Brown and deep
They seem to search me
Your sleeves pushed up
Your hair messed up
Bare foot and comfortable
In your own space
You won't look at me
Unless i look away
Then i catch your eyes
And hold them for a second
Sitting five feet away
But you seem to radiate heat
And i feel my cheeks darken
At the thought of you being so near
Not like the other night
When you sat twenty feet away
The darkened room had me
Looking down the row at your profile
I wished you were there
To fill the empty seat
Next to me
To hold my hand during the scary parts
But that's not how you work
You wouldn't hold my hand if my life was dependent on it
I want you so badly
To be the last guy i like
Someone snaps their fingers
Twice in front of my eyes
I blink back the dreams
And see things realistically
Poof. There you go
Right out of my future
You couldn't be with me
Never with me
And the thought has me walking out of the room
Headed for the bathroom
With its large supply of tissue
To help sop up the steady flow of tears down my cheeks
I wish it were you
I wish i was her
Whoever she is
She gets you and i'm jealous
Down.
When i look that way
I see you
When i look this way
I see two
It's doubled
My vision
Got dizzy
Fell over
Crash
and
Burn
So they say
One day i will take off
Some airplane
Someday
Oh just go away
You shot me down
In my plane
I thought i was safe
In the air
You told me the truth
It taught me to crash land
In one easy step:
Down.
Why this obsession with fire?
Must you burn up all i hold
In between my little fingers
Scraps of paper
Ripped up love notes
Shredded directions
How to fly a plane
Much like
How i love you
But how you love me?
How to fly a plane
One easy step:
Down.
So i'll be crashing and burning
On this brilliant blue day
Brilliantly blue
But deathly grey sneaks in
To eat the blue for breakfast
The inflight meal
Makes me throw up
As the plane plummets down
Don't play with fire
Don't play with my heart
Too late
As the nose of the plane splinters the trees below
And we all crash
We all burn
But not you
You stand on the ground below
Look up at the explosive display
Orange
Red
Yellow
Burn Burn Burn
And that's when i notice
I'm the only one
In this metallic bird
You're the only one there
On the safe and hard ground
My eyes seem to focus on your's
They only reflect the fire that licks the plane up
How to crash land a plane in one easy step?
Down.
I see you
When i look this way
I see two
It's doubled
My vision
Got dizzy
Fell over
Crash
and
Burn
So they say
One day i will take off
Some airplane
Someday
Oh just go away
You shot me down
In my plane
I thought i was safe
In the air
You told me the truth
It taught me to crash land
In one easy step:
Down.
Why this obsession with fire?
Must you burn up all i hold
In between my little fingers
Scraps of paper
Ripped up love notes
Shredded directions
How to fly a plane
Much like
How i love you
But how you love me?
How to fly a plane
One easy step:
Down.
So i'll be crashing and burning
On this brilliant blue day
Brilliantly blue
But deathly grey sneaks in
To eat the blue for breakfast
The inflight meal
Makes me throw up
As the plane plummets down
Don't play with fire
Don't play with my heart
Too late
As the nose of the plane splinters the trees below
And we all crash
We all burn
But not you
You stand on the ground below
Look up at the explosive display
Orange
Red
Yellow
Burn Burn Burn
And that's when i notice
I'm the only one
In this metallic bird
You're the only one there
On the safe and hard ground
My eyes seem to focus on your's
They only reflect the fire that licks the plane up
How to crash land a plane in one easy step?
Down.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Epic Battle
The Battle for her heart
Is being hard fought
By two forces
Dark
Light
Dark has won so many times before
It seems it will simply push the light out again
Shut the shades
Flip the switch
Blow out the flame
But Jesus is gathering the troops
To ride in and save his princess
From the cold, dark fortress
Satan has her locked up
All her pain
All her tears
All her doubt
All her anger
All of it
Jesus takes it all on
And slashes through Satan's front lines
An epic battle
For her soul
For her heart
Oh Lord.
Win it.
Be victorious O God
Is being hard fought
By two forces
Dark
Light
Dark has won so many times before
It seems it will simply push the light out again
Shut the shades
Flip the switch
Blow out the flame
But Jesus is gathering the troops
To ride in and save his princess
From the cold, dark fortress
Satan has her locked up
All her pain
All her tears
All her doubt
All her anger
All of it
Jesus takes it all on
And slashes through Satan's front lines
An epic battle
For her soul
For her heart
Oh Lord.
Win it.
Be victorious O God
Courtesy of You
Ink black stars
Grace my hands
Courtesy of a bored day in Chem Class
Navy blue polish
On my nails
Courtesy of a dark mood
Scarred lips
I bit them so hard
To keep from kissing you
Aching lungs
From holding my breath
Every time you passed
Clouded eyes
From dreaming of you nightly
And wishing it all would be true
Running mascara
From tears that escaped
I tried to keep them in.
{i really did}
When you stand next to me, i get dizzy
When you say my name, i go silly
When you look at me, i blush
When you bite back a smile, i do the same
It's all courtesy of you
Grace my hands
Courtesy of a bored day in Chem Class
Navy blue polish
On my nails
Courtesy of a dark mood
Scarred lips
I bit them so hard
To keep from kissing you
Aching lungs
From holding my breath
Every time you passed
Clouded eyes
From dreaming of you nightly
And wishing it all would be true
Running mascara
From tears that escaped
I tried to keep them in.
{i really did}
When you stand next to me, i get dizzy
When you say my name, i go silly
When you look at me, i blush
When you bite back a smile, i do the same
It's all courtesy of you
Monday, November 17, 2008
SUNSHINEY DAYS :)
Do you ever wake up on those sunshiney days?
Breathe that sunshiney air?
Taste that sunshiney taste?
Do you ever look up at that beautiful blue?
At the blue, do you stare?
It's the blue that colors "true"
Do you look out at the green in those trees?
And think oh how i want to be like that?
So green, so carefree?
Do you ever hold hands with a little boy?
And wonder at he stickiness you find there?
Oh for the little boys and their toys...
Do you ever braid your hair in pigtails?
And skip down the street?
In pigtails it's impossible to fail.
Oh to be three again
To appreciate the beauty of the sunshiney day, the blue sky, the green trees, and the marvel of little boys with sticky hands.
Breathe that sunshiney air?
Taste that sunshiney taste?
Do you ever look up at that beautiful blue?
At the blue, do you stare?
It's the blue that colors "true"
Do you look out at the green in those trees?
And think oh how i want to be like that?
So green, so carefree?
Do you ever hold hands with a little boy?
And wonder at he stickiness you find there?
Oh for the little boys and their toys...
Do you ever braid your hair in pigtails?
And skip down the street?
In pigtails it's impossible to fail.
Oh to be three again
To appreciate the beauty of the sunshiney day, the blue sky, the green trees, and the marvel of little boys with sticky hands.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
The Sleepy Things
The sleepy things tempt me
The soft pillow whispers
Rest your head
Only for a bit
The sleepy things tempt me
The cool, clean sheets beckon
Slide inside
For ten minutes
The sleepy things tempt me
The cozy comforter begs in silence
Wrap yourself up
And drift away
But i cannot rest
I cannot sleep
I have a paper to write
And a promise to keep
But the sleepy things tempt me
I sigh and give in
I slip my pajama pants on
And pull back the covers
Slowly, i sink into my bed
My loving bed
I close my eyes
And i'm away
Because the sleepy things tempted me
And i gave in
The soft pillow whispers
Rest your head
Only for a bit
The sleepy things tempt me
The cool, clean sheets beckon
Slide inside
For ten minutes
The sleepy things tempt me
The cozy comforter begs in silence
Wrap yourself up
And drift away
But i cannot rest
I cannot sleep
I have a paper to write
And a promise to keep
But the sleepy things tempt me
I sigh and give in
I slip my pajama pants on
And pull back the covers
Slowly, i sink into my bed
My loving bed
I close my eyes
And i'm away
Because the sleepy things tempted me
And i gave in
Easy....Hard....
Easy to run from pain
Easy to drown it again
Easy to say it doesnt matter
Easy to remain shattered
Hard to face the day
Hard to mean what you say
Hard to trust the creator
Hard to not push it til later
Easy to pretend
Easy to skip to the end
Easy to rip out the part you don't want
Easy to ignore a task that daunts
Hard to read through the whole book
Hard to pretend that i dont want a second look
Hard to look up when all you want to do is examine your shoes
Hard to admit it when you lose
Easy to close your eyes
Easy to give in to the lies
Easy to paint those nails black
Easy to take the broader track
Hard to expand your scope
Hard to learn how to cope
Hard to trust
Hard to not end up tasting dust
Easy to say it's all hard
Hard to pretend some parts aren't easy
Easy to drown it again
Easy to say it doesnt matter
Easy to remain shattered
Hard to face the day
Hard to mean what you say
Hard to trust the creator
Hard to not push it til later
Easy to pretend
Easy to skip to the end
Easy to rip out the part you don't want
Easy to ignore a task that daunts
Hard to read through the whole book
Hard to pretend that i dont want a second look
Hard to look up when all you want to do is examine your shoes
Hard to admit it when you lose
Easy to close your eyes
Easy to give in to the lies
Easy to paint those nails black
Easy to take the broader track
Hard to expand your scope
Hard to learn how to cope
Hard to trust
Hard to not end up tasting dust
Easy to say it's all hard
Hard to pretend some parts aren't easy
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Melt
you said hi
i think i just melted on the inside
somewhere deep down
where i thought i couldnt
i thought i was iced over
but your words shot a fiery arrow
into those icy depths of my heart
drip drip drip
i'm a puddle by the phone
when you called me up
just to hear my voice
oh baby you melt me
you dont even know
ha. oh you dont know
how your words do me in
oh baby
i love your voice
oh you melt me
:) SO CHEESY.
i think i just melted on the inside
somewhere deep down
where i thought i couldnt
i thought i was iced over
but your words shot a fiery arrow
into those icy depths of my heart
drip drip drip
i'm a puddle by the phone
when you called me up
just to hear my voice
oh baby you melt me
you dont even know
ha. oh you dont know
how your words do me in
oh baby
i love your voice
oh you melt me
:) SO CHEESY.
My Heart = Your's
This is a song i wrote on the bus this morning...
[Verse 1]
I'm shredding my heart
To use as confetti at the surprise party
She's throwing for you
Cuz it was my idea
And she stole it and pretends to know you
She puts time into it
But i put my heart into it
Literally
[Chorus]
My heart is your's
Please tell me you know that
Her heart belongs to her
And no one ele
But i know you
I save every memory of you inside
Oh babe, my heart is your's
[Verse 2]
We all yell surprise!
But she got the cake all wrong
Cuz you like chocolate but she likes vanilla
I tried to tell her baby
She plays her favorite song
And you're wearing your fake smile
I see a strand of my heart on your shoulder
I don't think my insides can get any colder
[Chorus]
[Verse 3]
I walk across the room to see you
She cuts me off and kisses your face
And everything i want to say and do
It's all lost, i wish it weren't the case
I walk out the back door
And the sky is crying to hide my tears
You follow me out back and tell me...
[Chorus]
[Verse 1]
I'm shredding my heart
To use as confetti at the surprise party
She's throwing for you
Cuz it was my idea
And she stole it and pretends to know you
She puts time into it
But i put my heart into it
Literally
[Chorus]
My heart is your's
Please tell me you know that
Her heart belongs to her
And no one ele
But i know you
I save every memory of you inside
Oh babe, my heart is your's
[Verse 2]
We all yell surprise!
But she got the cake all wrong
Cuz you like chocolate but she likes vanilla
I tried to tell her baby
She plays her favorite song
And you're wearing your fake smile
I see a strand of my heart on your shoulder
I don't think my insides can get any colder
[Chorus]
[Verse 3]
I walk across the room to see you
She cuts me off and kisses your face
And everything i want to say and do
It's all lost, i wish it weren't the case
I walk out the back door
And the sky is crying to hide my tears
You follow me out back and tell me...
[Chorus]
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
erase me
erase me.
scrub that pink eraser across my face
i'm a big mess
i'd just rather cease to exist
poof
sweet escape
gone gone gone
til i'm no more
please?
i beg you God
press undo
or whatever it is you do
to rid me of me
i'm sick sick sick of me
tired tired tired of me
GO AWAY SELF
erase me
scrub that pink eraser across my face
i'm a big mess
i'd just rather cease to exist
poof
sweet escape
gone gone gone
til i'm no more
please?
i beg you God
press undo
or whatever it is you do
to rid me of me
i'm sick sick sick of me
tired tired tired of me
GO AWAY SELF
erase me
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Choices.
Can we press pause?
Cuz i'm trying to figure out what's going on
This twist in the plot has me confused
She's crying and i don't see the cause
I see two boys
Like shadows on her heart
Reflected in her eyes
A single tear clings to her chin
Threatening to splash onto her shirt
I see a million tries
Colored outside the lines
Scribbled onto her skin in Sharpie
Ink that sinks deep and then washes with the first rain
The boys are still there
I can't see which one is her's
I press play again and the figures burst into life
She is torn, caught up in the middle.
So alike
So different
That wavering tear falls
The tiny pearl of salty water soaks into her collar
She scrubs her face
And the black sharpie smears across her face
One of those boys comes up and wipes her face with his hand
She catches it mid way across her cheek.
The other boy looks at her longingly and takes one step back
She begs using no words
Only her eyes betray her agony
She begs him to stay
He takes one look at her hand covering the imposter's
Shakes his head and turns around
No one sees the tears that course down his face
But i do.
I yell at her
He's the one
Choose him
Don't be stupid
My voice is hoarse, my throat hurts from my cries of warning
I look down and see a hand in mine.
I stare across the room to see that boy with tears coursing down his face
He's leaving.
My heart is confused
So torn i could scream
I will scream
I do scream
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Kill me now
This agony is
Enough enough enough already!
I wish i was simply watching this on a screen
For then i would click the power button and watch the screen fade black
I wish i could eject the disc and forget the pain
I can't
It's my choice
Look up.
Look up.
Look up.
Don't miss out.
But either way i go
Do i miss out?
Two perfectly amazing guys
Which one?
Which way?
Which hand?
What do i say?
I hate
Choices.
Cuz i'm trying to figure out what's going on
This twist in the plot has me confused
She's crying and i don't see the cause
I see two boys
Like shadows on her heart
Reflected in her eyes
A single tear clings to her chin
Threatening to splash onto her shirt
I see a million tries
Colored outside the lines
Scribbled onto her skin in Sharpie
Ink that sinks deep and then washes with the first rain
The boys are still there
I can't see which one is her's
I press play again and the figures burst into life
She is torn, caught up in the middle.
So alike
So different
That wavering tear falls
The tiny pearl of salty water soaks into her collar
She scrubs her face
And the black sharpie smears across her face
One of those boys comes up and wipes her face with his hand
She catches it mid way across her cheek.
The other boy looks at her longingly and takes one step back
She begs using no words
Only her eyes betray her agony
She begs him to stay
He takes one look at her hand covering the imposter's
Shakes his head and turns around
No one sees the tears that course down his face
But i do.
I yell at her
He's the one
Choose him
Don't be stupid
My voice is hoarse, my throat hurts from my cries of warning
I look down and see a hand in mine.
I stare across the room to see that boy with tears coursing down his face
He's leaving.
My heart is confused
So torn i could scream
I will scream
I do scream
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Kill me now
This agony is
Enough enough enough already!
I wish i was simply watching this on a screen
For then i would click the power button and watch the screen fade black
I wish i could eject the disc and forget the pain
I can't
It's my choice
Look up.
Look up.
Look up.
Don't miss out.
But either way i go
Do i miss out?
Two perfectly amazing guys
Which one?
Which way?
Which hand?
What do i say?
I hate
Choices.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Crazy Crazy Crazy
Crazy crazy crazy
Pull me in
Baby baby baby
I wanna be your
Lady lady lady
Will you please look at me?
Look Look Look
I knew we're not trapped in a
Book book book
But i still want that happy ending
Cuz its my heart that you took took took
Grab my hand and spin me
Around 'round 'round
Please introduce my lips to your's
Kiss kiss kiss
Cuz i'm Seventeen and still aint been kissed
Boy boy boy
I can promise you that my batting eyelashes aint no
Ploy ploy ploy
Will you please just ask me to dance
Ask ask ask
Oh come on its not that difficult of a
Task task task
In the rain
Spin spin spin
I feel so dizzy but this isnt the
End end end
Cuz it doesnt say happily ever after yet
Princess princess princess
You call me
Prince prince prince
You are.
Mine.
Pull me in
Baby baby baby
I wanna be your
Lady lady lady
Will you please look at me?
Look Look Look
I knew we're not trapped in a
Book book book
But i still want that happy ending
Cuz its my heart that you took took took
Grab my hand and spin me
Around 'round 'round
Please introduce my lips to your's
Kiss kiss kiss
Cuz i'm Seventeen and still aint been kissed
Boy boy boy
I can promise you that my batting eyelashes aint no
Ploy ploy ploy
Will you please just ask me to dance
Ask ask ask
Oh come on its not that difficult of a
Task task task
In the rain
Spin spin spin
I feel so dizzy but this isnt the
End end end
Cuz it doesnt say happily ever after yet
Princess princess princess
You call me
Prince prince prince
You are.
Mine.
Friday, October 31, 2008
This is My Heart
Broken pieces
In my hand
Did you really think it would make you a man?
To take that hammer
Swing it hard
Bring it down on my heart
Flying shards
Hit my eyes
Tears escape
As i fumble
With the tape
The tape is weak
It will not work
My heart can't withstand another jerk
I grasp for a bottle of glue
I empty it out
The pieces float about
The glue has failed
I try again
But all hope is lost
As the pieces of my heart
Are nowhere to be found
Then from somewhere
I see a hand
It finds a piece
It puts it back
Why did you not
Look to me?
I'm shocked by
The heart i see
It sits there full
A little cracked
But God has gone
And put it back
He knows just where
The pieces fit
And yet i didn't think
To trust him with it
He lifts the heart
And smiles at me
This is my heart you see
You gave it to me long ago
And yet you've tried to
Give it away
To others who have
Promised love
You never did
Look up above
To see me crying up there
I knew each boy was not for you
I tried to tell
You didn't hear
Please listen now my dear
Your heart is mine
Let it be
I will keep it safe you see
In my hands
So you can rest
Don't try to find someone else
I'll never swing that hammer
I will never drop it
I never get too tired, too weak, or too bored.
Your heart is precious.
To me.
In my hand
Did you really think it would make you a man?
To take that hammer
Swing it hard
Bring it down on my heart
Flying shards
Hit my eyes
Tears escape
As i fumble
With the tape
The tape is weak
It will not work
My heart can't withstand another jerk
I grasp for a bottle of glue
I empty it out
The pieces float about
The glue has failed
I try again
But all hope is lost
As the pieces of my heart
Are nowhere to be found
Then from somewhere
I see a hand
It finds a piece
It puts it back
Why did you not
Look to me?
I'm shocked by
The heart i see
It sits there full
A little cracked
But God has gone
And put it back
He knows just where
The pieces fit
And yet i didn't think
To trust him with it
He lifts the heart
And smiles at me
This is my heart you see
You gave it to me long ago
And yet you've tried to
Give it away
To others who have
Promised love
You never did
Look up above
To see me crying up there
I knew each boy was not for you
I tried to tell
You didn't hear
Please listen now my dear
Your heart is mine
Let it be
I will keep it safe you see
In my hands
So you can rest
Don't try to find someone else
I'll never swing that hammer
I will never drop it
I never get too tired, too weak, or too bored.
Your heart is precious.
To me.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Memories
Pictures up on my wall
Tape loses its stickiness
The pictures fall
And they gather
Like so many fallen leaves
On my floor
Ripped down
My memories captured
In color, black and white, sepia tones
The pictures send me back
To that one place
With that one friend
Where we did that one thing
New tape goes on the back
I press, my hands smoothing my memory
Back onto my wall
A collage of memories
A tear slips down my cheek whilst a smile plays on my lips
Mixed up
Emotions
Reactions
To memories...
Tape loses its stickiness
The pictures fall
And they gather
Like so many fallen leaves
On my floor
Ripped down
My memories captured
In color, black and white, sepia tones
The pictures send me back
To that one place
With that one friend
Where we did that one thing
New tape goes on the back
I press, my hands smoothing my memory
Back onto my wall
A collage of memories
A tear slips down my cheek whilst a smile plays on my lips
Mixed up
Emotions
Reactions
To memories...
One, Two, Three
One
i'm in love with this one
he makes me burst with love
when i think i'm done
my heart shows me it has so much more
it overflows with love for this one
One
Two
i know he's not for me
he's too up and too down
i can easily see
that we aren't right
but i'm still drawn to his sensitive soul
Two
Three
He's so quiet and shy
But when we talk it reminds me of one other i knew
and i just cannot lie
i want to talk to him all the time
and i really dont know what to do
Three
One, Two, Three
they all confuse me
three hearts that my heart longs to see up close
which one which one
i know none are plausible
but my heart has to know which path to walk in
or it'll explode with insanity
confusion envelops my heart
it never was this hard when it was just one
add two and three and i can't figure it out
One, Two, Three
i'm in love with this one
he makes me burst with love
when i think i'm done
my heart shows me it has so much more
it overflows with love for this one
One
Two
i know he's not for me
he's too up and too down
i can easily see
that we aren't right
but i'm still drawn to his sensitive soul
Two
Three
He's so quiet and shy
But when we talk it reminds me of one other i knew
and i just cannot lie
i want to talk to him all the time
and i really dont know what to do
Three
One, Two, Three
they all confuse me
three hearts that my heart longs to see up close
which one which one
i know none are plausible
but my heart has to know which path to walk in
or it'll explode with insanity
confusion envelops my heart
it never was this hard when it was just one
add two and three and i can't figure it out
One, Two, Three
Sunday, October 19, 2008
The Voice
Impossible
The voice screams in my ear
When you're looking at me like that
It's your imagination
Is all i hear
When we stand together like this
He can't love you
Hisses the voice
As we go for a walk
You're not good enough
The voice taunts
As i look in the mirror in your eyes
He doesn't want you
The voice screams
I shiver and pull away
He'll never want you
The voice drives it home
As i pick up speed, faster and faster
You are unlovable
The voice reminds me
I throw myself down
You are ugly
The voice assures me
As i wish for your hand in mine
No guy will ever love you or need you or want you
The voice plays like a song in my head
My heart is shredded
No one. Never. No way.
The voice seems to be all i hear
It drowns out your words of love
It drowns out God's words of assurance
It drowns out that look in your eyes saying you want me
It drowns out my friends, saying its a lie
It drowns out all else
It has always been there
I can't imagine a day without it
It is apart of me
I believe the voice
I believe the lies
I believe them.
There is no way out.
No way at all.
For i am not good enough
I am not pretty enough
I am not funny enough
I am not smart enough
I am not godly enough
I will never be appealing to you
I will never be able to grab your hand
I will never feel the love i crave
For I am not enough.
I am never enough.
You try to grab my hand
I dont even notice
For the voice tells me it is pity in your eyes
Not love
The voice says the words "i love you" are all a big lie
I cry
The voice persists
I scream
The voice never lifts
I pray
The voice retreats
But it is still there.
A whisper on the edge of my conscious
It gnaws at me
It scrapes at me
It cleans my heart out
I am a shell.
A hurting shell
A shell that is being filled with a voice
A lying voice
But i dont know
How to shut it
up
out
down
The voice screams in my ear
When you're looking at me like that
It's your imagination
Is all i hear
When we stand together like this
He can't love you
Hisses the voice
As we go for a walk
You're not good enough
The voice taunts
As i look in the mirror in your eyes
He doesn't want you
The voice screams
I shiver and pull away
He'll never want you
The voice drives it home
As i pick up speed, faster and faster
You are unlovable
The voice reminds me
I throw myself down
You are ugly
The voice assures me
As i wish for your hand in mine
No guy will ever love you or need you or want you
The voice plays like a song in my head
My heart is shredded
No one. Never. No way.
The voice seems to be all i hear
It drowns out your words of love
It drowns out God's words of assurance
It drowns out that look in your eyes saying you want me
It drowns out my friends, saying its a lie
It drowns out all else
It has always been there
I can't imagine a day without it
It is apart of me
I believe the voice
I believe the lies
I believe them.
There is no way out.
No way at all.
For i am not good enough
I am not pretty enough
I am not funny enough
I am not smart enough
I am not godly enough
I will never be appealing to you
I will never be able to grab your hand
I will never feel the love i crave
For I am not enough.
I am never enough.
You try to grab my hand
I dont even notice
For the voice tells me it is pity in your eyes
Not love
The voice says the words "i love you" are all a big lie
I cry
The voice persists
I scream
The voice never lifts
I pray
The voice retreats
But it is still there.
A whisper on the edge of my conscious
It gnaws at me
It scrapes at me
It cleans my heart out
I am a shell.
A hurting shell
A shell that is being filled with a voice
A lying voice
But i dont know
How to shut it
up
out
down
Saturday, October 18, 2008
...dont let go
icy hands
will you warm them?
tenderly
are you cold then?
grasp my hand
and tangle those fingers
with mine
the warmth edges in
tingling up my arm
you are
you are
holding my hand
holding my hand
i scream
i melt
i dance
i sing
you are
you are
holding my hand
holding my hand
i steal a glimpse
at your face
its covered in a smile
i love that look on your face
it mirrors mine
your thumb runs over mine
a reassuring squeeze is transferred
from you to me
you are
you are
holding my hand
holding my hand
don't let go
don't leave
drag me along
keep holding my hand
please just let our fingers
be locked forever
this is what it feels like
to be connected
you are
you are
holding my hand
holding my hand
will you warm them?
tenderly
are you cold then?
grasp my hand
and tangle those fingers
with mine
the warmth edges in
tingling up my arm
you are
you are
holding my hand
holding my hand
i scream
i melt
i dance
i sing
you are
you are
holding my hand
holding my hand
i steal a glimpse
at your face
its covered in a smile
i love that look on your face
it mirrors mine
your thumb runs over mine
a reassuring squeeze is transferred
from you to me
you are
you are
holding my hand
holding my hand
don't let go
don't leave
drag me along
keep holding my hand
please just let our fingers
be locked forever
this is what it feels like
to be connected
you are
you are
holding my hand
holding my hand
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Blue and Gold
i bleed blue with golden flecks.
cuz i know its true.
i know i bleed the color of your eyes.
you prick my finger
and it is clear
i knew it all along
i bleed the color of your eyes.
you look at me in disbelief.
i see your eyes darken to a stormy shade
and there goes my heart
when you cut it with your blade.
it adjusts to your eyes.
i laugh at the look on your face
i ask you if you didnt believe me
you shake your head
and we're in a pool of blue now
with golden flecks swirling around.
this blood is beautiful
but it doesnt hurt
it doesnt drain my heart.
it simply gives me that dizzy feeling.
when i know i'm in love.
you touch the wound over my heart
and ask if it was because of you
i nod my head and look into those blue pools
you desperately try to stop the bleeding.
you look at my heart
you look in my eyes
you lean in
you kiss me
and take my breath away
and there's no more blood
no more blue and gold reaching our ankles
your eyes are closed.
mine are too.
and we float.
and i open my eyes
i see the blue. i see the gold.
but its only in your eyes.
you healed my heart.
that is so morbid. lol. but i think i might like it..maybe.
cuz i know its true.
i know i bleed the color of your eyes.
you prick my finger
and it is clear
i knew it all along
i bleed the color of your eyes.
you look at me in disbelief.
i see your eyes darken to a stormy shade
and there goes my heart
when you cut it with your blade.
it adjusts to your eyes.
i laugh at the look on your face
i ask you if you didnt believe me
you shake your head
and we're in a pool of blue now
with golden flecks swirling around.
this blood is beautiful
but it doesnt hurt
it doesnt drain my heart.
it simply gives me that dizzy feeling.
when i know i'm in love.
you touch the wound over my heart
and ask if it was because of you
i nod my head and look into those blue pools
you desperately try to stop the bleeding.
you look at my heart
you look in my eyes
you lean in
you kiss me
and take my breath away
and there's no more blood
no more blue and gold reaching our ankles
your eyes are closed.
mine are too.
and we float.
and i open my eyes
i see the blue. i see the gold.
but its only in your eyes.
you healed my heart.
that is so morbid. lol. but i think i might like it..maybe.
iLove
Blue eyes
Straight through
My heart
They stare
They see the true
Me that is in there
Those hands
Touch mine
And I feel
The flow of
Electricity
Straight to my heart
And it beats
And I love
Because of you
I love
Your words
Slip out
Of your beautiful mouth
You tell me about
Your future
It scares me
My blue eyes
Fill up
With water
And I overflow
With love
Dripping down my cheeks
I hang my head
You look away
What you said
Causes much pain
You tell me
You’ll stick around
Just wait and see
But in my heart I know
That you’ll go
Far away
Never to return
The blue eyes
That see me
Will see another being
Who’s love won’t drip
Down their cheeks
Or spill out of
Their heart
Their heart won’t explode
Like mine
Because of you
I love
You pull me in
Wrap me in tangible love
But it is different than mine
We love in two ways
Far apart
You love as a friend
I love beyond the end
Of your clear blue eyes
That stare
Straight through me
Because of you
I love
Straight through
My heart
They stare
They see the true
Me that is in there
Those hands
Touch mine
And I feel
The flow of
Electricity
Straight to my heart
And it beats
And I love
Because of you
I love
Your words
Slip out
Of your beautiful mouth
You tell me about
Your future
It scares me
My blue eyes
Fill up
With water
And I overflow
With love
Dripping down my cheeks
I hang my head
You look away
What you said
Causes much pain
You tell me
You’ll stick around
Just wait and see
But in my heart I know
That you’ll go
Far away
Never to return
The blue eyes
That see me
Will see another being
Who’s love won’t drip
Down their cheeks
Or spill out of
Their heart
Their heart won’t explode
Like mine
Because of you
I love
You pull me in
Wrap me in tangible love
But it is different than mine
We love in two ways
Far apart
You love as a friend
I love beyond the end
Of your clear blue eyes
That stare
Straight through me
Because of you
I love
Sunday, October 12, 2008
random tangent? yes please.
talk about tomorrows? no thanks.
you say you love me? yeah right.
we laugh. we sigh.
we cry. we hate.
you wave goodbye? i'm sure.
you refuse to look at a calendar? i'm with you.
you say we can't? i knew it.
we kick. we sit.
we try. we fail.
you write my name? without your's after it.
can we go for a walk? try and stop us.
will you pinky promise? anything to touch your hand.
we pray. we smile.
we talk. we leave.
will you still be there? i can't promise.
can i show you i care? if you don't break my heart.
do you want a hug? that shouldn't even be a question.
we push. we shove.
we surrender. we love.
why can't we be together? our hearts pull apart.
can i see you? not through the window.
will you hold me? as long as my arms can manage.
we can't. we won't.
we want. we will.
i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you.
talk about tomorrows? no thanks.
you say you love me? yeah right.
we laugh. we sigh.
we cry. we hate.
you wave goodbye? i'm sure.
you refuse to look at a calendar? i'm with you.
you say we can't? i knew it.
we kick. we sit.
we try. we fail.
you write my name? without your's after it.
can we go for a walk? try and stop us.
will you pinky promise? anything to touch your hand.
we pray. we smile.
we talk. we leave.
will you still be there? i can't promise.
can i show you i care? if you don't break my heart.
do you want a hug? that shouldn't even be a question.
we push. we shove.
we surrender. we love.
why can't we be together? our hearts pull apart.
can i see you? not through the window.
will you hold me? as long as my arms can manage.
we can't. we won't.
we want. we will.
i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Just Friends.
I wrote this song about David. he really likes it. so i guess i should put it up..
We’re just friends
We really are
No matter what signals we send
Or how many times I ride in your car
We’re just friends
It’s really true
I promise it’s not pretend
I know you’ll see me through
You’re a guy
I’m a girl
I don’t need to try
To fit in your world
Cuz I do
I love you
You love me
Cuz we just do
And we just are
Friends
They all think
That we’re more
They see a link
That’s what heart’s are for
They all think
I like you
But I think
You like me too
Just not like that
You’re a guy
I’m a girl
I don’t need to try
To fit in your world
Cuz I do
I love you
You love me
Cuz we just do
And we just are
Friends
We’re just friends
We really are
No matter what signals we send
Or how many times I ride in your car
We’re just friends
It’s really true
I promise it’s not pretend
I know you’ll see me through
You’re a guy
I’m a girl
I don’t need to try
To fit in your world
Cuz I do
I love you
You love me
Cuz we just do
And we just are
Friends
They all think
That we’re more
They see a link
That’s what heart’s are for
They all think
I like you
But I think
You like me too
Just not like that
You’re a guy
I’m a girl
I don’t need to try
To fit in your world
Cuz I do
I love you
You love me
Cuz we just do
And we just are
Friends
Boy and Girl.
I wrote this song when i woke up from a dream a week ago or so. Slighly mushy. But honest.
Boy and Girl
I woke up with a smile on my face
Cuz it’s your lips I could taste
I could feel your fingers sliding through mine
As we took the world without a look behind
You stare me down with liquid blue
I look up and sear right through
Your great big walls that push me out
The weight that tries to hold me down
I love you and no one else
Won’t try to keep it to myself
I want you more and more each day
I want you more than I can say
I want your heart to be all mine
I want your eyes for me to shine
I want your love
That’s all I ask
So please oh please take off your mask
My blood meets skin
As I feel the blush
Rise up my neck and fill my face
When I see you and you see me
Your heart and mine give way to chase
You guard your mouth and guard your eyes
Oh please just don’t shut me out
Throw off this weight that holds me down
I love you and no one else
Won’t try to keep it to myself
I want you more and more each day
I want you more than I can say
I want your heart to be all mine
I want your eyes for me to shine
I want your love
That’s all I ask
So please oh please take off your mask
So love me
Choose me
Pick me please
So take me
Hold me
Cherish me
Boy and Girl
I woke up with a smile on my face
Cuz it’s your lips I could taste
I could feel your fingers sliding through mine
As we took the world without a look behind
You stare me down with liquid blue
I look up and sear right through
Your great big walls that push me out
The weight that tries to hold me down
I love you and no one else
Won’t try to keep it to myself
I want you more and more each day
I want you more than I can say
I want your heart to be all mine
I want your eyes for me to shine
I want your love
That’s all I ask
So please oh please take off your mask
My blood meets skin
As I feel the blush
Rise up my neck and fill my face
When I see you and you see me
Your heart and mine give way to chase
You guard your mouth and guard your eyes
Oh please just don’t shut me out
Throw off this weight that holds me down
I love you and no one else
Won’t try to keep it to myself
I want you more and more each day
I want you more than I can say
I want your heart to be all mine
I want your eyes for me to shine
I want your love
That’s all I ask
So please oh please take off your mask
So love me
Choose me
Pick me please
So take me
Hold me
Cherish me
bubble tea
so i know that no one but abby reads this blog. so abby-here's a story for u:)
so i was at the girls basketball game. totally kinda pretty bored. so i text david. i say..yo..come to the game. i didnt think he'd come. guess WHAT. he totally showed. WITH BUBBLE TEA. made my week.
so anyways. that was a happy story.
i miss jerome. lots. lots lots lots. aduhlah. i hate this. i hate feeling like all my hoping and loving i for NOTHING. its frustrating. and i dont really know how to describe how it hurts my heart. breaks it. shatters it. and no one really gets it.
i need hugs way more than i am receiving them lately.
i love u abby. haha. alot.
and anyone else who reads this. cuz at least u care. maybe.
so i was at the girls basketball game. totally kinda pretty bored. so i text david. i say..yo..come to the game. i didnt think he'd come. guess WHAT. he totally showed. WITH BUBBLE TEA. made my week.
so anyways. that was a happy story.
i miss jerome. lots. lots lots lots. aduhlah. i hate this. i hate feeling like all my hoping and loving i for NOTHING. its frustrating. and i dont really know how to describe how it hurts my heart. breaks it. shatters it. and no one really gets it.
i need hugs way more than i am receiving them lately.
i love u abby. haha. alot.
and anyone else who reads this. cuz at least u care. maybe.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Melancholy.
i should be happy. i have every reason to be. every right to be. and why am i not? i dont know. cuz i have no guy. ugh. i hate that about me. why is it that it's SOO important to me? shouldnt be. who needs boys? pshh. they only cause pain. even when they're just guys that are friends. they all seem to have the ability to make me feel inadequate. even tho they dont try to. in fact...they try to do the opposite. but i cant help it. my heart wanders. my mind wanders. and i get hurt. again and again and again. it hurts. ha. wish i could figure out what to do to stop this. oh wait..i know how. go live far away from people. that way i'd stay away from the hammers that are just waiting to take a whack at my heart. my heart does strange things...it sees hammers in the hands of all of the male species. even fantastic people like david. or caleb. or travis. maybe cuz both trav and caleb have broken places on my heart before. i'm predisposed to believe that all boys want to inflict a wound upon my heart. not fair of me. but honest.
i love how no one reads this blog. its one of those like..emo blogs that no one reads.lol. i'm so...emo. hahahaha. wow. no.
i love how no one reads this blog. its one of those like..emo blogs that no one reads.lol. i'm so...emo. hahahaha. wow. no.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
things that reallly bug me lately...
1. People practically making out in the MRT: IT'S JUST ANNOYING. when couples get all like lovey-dovey and stuff. they're all mushy and it's gross. they stand there tangled in each other and staring into each other's eyes and i just wanna cut my eyes out. i guess i'm just jealous.
2. When the bus your waiting for takes like 20 mins to come while the other buses for that stop come like twice. it's totally obnoxious.
3. I hate blisters on my feet. but i've gotten them a lot from walking for so long. on my baby toes :( it hurts!
4. Singlish-i can't understand what people are saying and they're supposed to be speaking english!!
5. Haters. they annoy me. when people just bash things cuz the dont like em...saying u dont like them is fine but being over the top and stuff is annoying
6. people who write itunes reviews that aren't really reviews..like when they click on a song becuz it's be an artist they dont like..and they just say they hate the artist and thats all and dont helpfully review the music at all. it bugs me. it pulls down the average rating too for no reason.
7. people who think they're the shiznit. it's annoying. it's like..get over urself.
8. NO INDOMIE IN THE STORE. there's none. there's maggi noodles that are good..but just not the same
9. Uniform polos that make you look fat and the pants that make you look super like...ugly.
10. when the tape on my posters and pictures that keep them on the wall doesn't work and the pics/posters fall off the wall. not so fun
haha. i'm so stupid.
2. When the bus your waiting for takes like 20 mins to come while the other buses for that stop come like twice. it's totally obnoxious.
3. I hate blisters on my feet. but i've gotten them a lot from walking for so long. on my baby toes :( it hurts!
4. Singlish-i can't understand what people are saying and they're supposed to be speaking english!!
5. Haters. they annoy me. when people just bash things cuz the dont like em...saying u dont like them is fine but being over the top and stuff is annoying
6. people who write itunes reviews that aren't really reviews..like when they click on a song becuz it's be an artist they dont like..and they just say they hate the artist and thats all and dont helpfully review the music at all. it bugs me. it pulls down the average rating too for no reason.
7. people who think they're the shiznit. it's annoying. it's like..get over urself.
8. NO INDOMIE IN THE STORE. there's none. there's maggi noodles that are good..but just not the same
9. Uniform polos that make you look fat and the pants that make you look super like...ugly.
10. when the tape on my posters and pictures that keep them on the wall doesn't work and the pics/posters fall off the wall. not so fun
haha. i'm so stupid.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
My Room
I'm sitting in my new room in Singapore that i share with my sister, Jenna. AAAAND. we each have our own bed...we bought new comforters. they're really cool. mine is brown and blue and white stripes. Her's is green and blue and white stripes. We taped pictures and posters all over the walls. so it's really colorful. The posters are on only my walls cuz jen didn't want them on her walls. i have a lot of posters. cuz i'm a nerd like that. I also have a trillion gazillion pics up on the wall. so does jen. This is the first time i've shared a room in 8 yrs. It's been awhile. it's hard to get used to. Sometimes i just wanna be alooone. We're both sitting in our rooms on our laptops..being super duper lazy. we're awful really. we haven't done much. the other day we went to singapore plaza..not really..we walked up and down orchard and went into HMV music store:). didn't buy anything though. and then we took the bus home. yay. School starts on monday. which is pretty crazy. open house is..tomorrow. so we have to wake up early and ride a bus there. o joy. so yeah. i've been the most boring person EVER. hooray.
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