Christmas Eve in Singapore

Merry Christmas

the eve thereof

We're walking the streets of Singapore

Wet, dark, thick air

I breathe in and look at the lights

There are no stars

Only the manmade ones that line the buildings

We smile and pout for the camera

Turn back and see the flash, flash, flash

Of the paparazzi we hired to follow us around

Friends on a Christmas eve

Sprinting all over the wet side walk

Trying not to slip and fall

Into the river

Reflecting red, green, pink, purple, blue

Toxic water it would seem

We step into the boat

Rockin back and forth

We float past fairy castles lit up at midnight

The dark is tangible, sitting next to me

My hand aches and tingles

Hold it won't you?

The whole night, i wasn't lonely

Friends and lightbulbs are all i need

Fairy Christmas trees and elusive raindrops

But right then in that boat

I needed you next to me

I needed you so badly

Christmas eve in Singapore

Chasing the last minutes before the clock strikes 12

Kissing the air for the camera

Soaking up the twinkly lights

And all i wanted was you next to me

I needed you so badly.

Let's go chase the lights together.

It's a Conspiracy.

It's a conspiracy

Everywhere i go seems to play your songs

When i'm hanging out with another guy

Everywhere we pass plays a song that reminds me of you

It's a conspiracy

Every single sky is the color of your eyes.

That blue that captures hearts

Every sky i see has you all over it.

It's a conspiracy

Even watching someone else play basketball brings you to mind

I see you dribble, shoot, score, nice outside shot.

I see you sweating your heart out

It's a conspiracy

Every pizza has mushrooms on it

You hate mushrooms and i remember when you picked them off

Stupid mushrooms, just go away

It's a conspiracy

The only movies my family wants to watch are ones we watched together.

IT'S CALLED A LANCE, HELLOOO

And all i can do is laugh and hold back tears

It's a conspiracy

A twisted, sick conspiracy.

Aduhlah. There went my dream dust.

I blink the dream dust out of my eyes.

All the sparkling dust says goodbye.

You were kissing me just a moment ago.

At least, in my dreams it was so.

But i blinked that dream dust out of my eyes.

And there you went.

Floating along, ever so sparkly

I am a dreamer.

As unhealthy as it is.

I am a schemer.

And wish to no longer be a "miss"

I cannot dream

I cannot scheme

I CANT EVEN WRITE POETRY DECENTLY.

Gosh danggit boy!

Get outta my head

Get outta my heart!

Aduhlah.

David.

I laugh at David.

He laughs at me.

We laugh at all the fools we see.

For we see many

Fools that is

Oh we see plenty

People playing

At their silly little games.

I laugh at David

He laughs at me

We laugh at all the fools we see.

They think they've got it right

When clearly they've got it wrong.

How awful it must be

To be a fool who trips on their feet

We're so perfect

Can't you see?

We've got the answers.

You shall see.

I laugh at David

He laughs at me

We laugh at all the fools we see.

I Can't Be Sure

He told me i was enough.

Just the other day.

He knew my day had been rough.

He had the words to say.

He told me that my eyes were blue.

Blue enough for him.

He said he loved my smile too.

And prayed it'd never dim.

He looked at me and said the phrase

The one i've waited for

That phrase, it had me in a daze

It warmed me to the core

He mouthed "i love you"

Across the room

I mouthed "i love you too"

But now I feel this impending doom

I push it away, away this time

I love how this love feels

I know that nothing is mine

But i am what you steal

I stand right here by your side

And look out at the waves

I watch the flow and ebb of tide

The memories i'll save

I wake up today

And pinch myself to reassure

That it hasn't all been fake

But i can't be sure

I can't be sure.

It Hurts. Oh It Hurts.

pictures in the eyes.

flashing pain.

she hurts.

oh she hurts.

heart is in her eyes

beating pain.

she hurts.

oh she hurts.

hand prints on her waist.

abusive boy.

they burn.

oh they burn.

scars on her thighs

where she cut

and they're deep

oh they're deep

streaks of blood on her lips

where he bit

and she cries

oh she cries

bruised wrists

where he held

and she pulled 

how she pulled

swirling hair

in her eyes

in her eyes

a picture

of a girl

in her underwear

shame.

shame covers her.

she won't look you in the eye.

a picture of a boy

with gleaming eyes

he is hungry

he won't wait

a picture of a girl

a picture of a boy

she will die

he is high

date rape.

make it stop.

make it stop.

he doesnt love you

he doesnt. 

He loves you.

He loves you.

Jesus loves you.

You don't need the sick boy you see

Lock him out of your room.

Please my darling.

Please.

Cuz it hurts

Oh it hurts.

He likes my eyes?

he likes my eyes?

he likes my eyes.

he likes my eyes!

Repeated.

Again.

and

Again.

I read it.

Again.

and

Again.

It's there in black and white

Just so that i can't deny

that he. likes. my. eyes.

My smile too

He told me so

See?

And he likes my voice.

When i sing.

I have no choice

But to sing.

And to open my eyes.

And smile nonstop.

Cuz. 

he likes my eyes.

he likes my smile.

he likes my voice.

O dear.

he doesn't like me. 

HURTTTTSSSSSS

mmmm. sick.
yep.
sick.
the world is full of black
dark
sickness.
oh. and broken hearts.
plenty of those.
my heart adds to the death count.
my name is on the epitaph
gravestone
for all the broken hearts
in the WORLD
it's a biggg cemetary
and i HATE YOU
YOU TOOK THAT STUPID HAMMER
YOU PROMISED.
you lied.
oh yes. you lied
you're a liar
you lied to me
oh.
i hate me
cuz i'm nothing that you want
i'm everything you dont
i'm no lady
cuz i'm loud
i'm expressive
i'm not prim
i'm not dainty
i'm big and loud and can't shut up
GRAWR
so watch out
cuz i hurt
i might get you all wet
with my tears
ugh.
heart hurts now
so i'll say goodbye
but not really
cuz i'm desperate to keep talking to you
despite the fact that you broke my heart
you still hold the glue
at least...thats what i tell myself
oh just go away!
but please stay.

I wish it were you...

He's gorgeous
I whisper inside my head
Cuz even in my head
The thought can't be loud

You look different to me today
I see your eyes from behind your glasses
Brown and deep
They seem to search me

Your sleeves pushed up
Your hair messed up
Bare foot and comfortable
In your own space

You won't look at me
Unless i look away
Then i catch your eyes
And hold them for a second

Sitting five feet away
But you seem to radiate heat
And i feel my cheeks darken
At the thought of you being so near

Not like the other night
When you sat twenty feet away
The darkened room had me
Looking down the row at your profile

I wished you were there
To fill the empty seat
Next to me
To hold my hand during the scary parts

But that's not how you work
You wouldn't hold my hand if my life was dependent on it
I want you so badly
To be the last guy i like

Someone snaps their fingers
Twice in front of my eyes
I blink back the dreams
And see things realistically

Poof. There you go
Right out of my future
You couldn't be with me
Never with me

And the thought has me walking out of the room
Headed for the bathroom
With its large supply of tissue
To help sop up the steady flow of tears down my cheeks

I wish it were you
I wish i was her
Whoever she is
She gets you and i'm jealous

Down.

When i look that way
I see you
When i look this way
I see two
It's doubled
My vision
Got dizzy
Fell over
Crash
and
Burn
So they say
One day i will take off
Some airplane
Someday
Oh just go away
You shot me down
In my plane
I thought i was safe
In the air
You told me the truth
It taught me to crash land
In one easy step:
Down.
Why this obsession with fire?
Must you burn up all i hold
In between my little fingers
Scraps of paper
Ripped up love notes
Shredded directions
How to fly a plane
Much like
How i love you
But how you love me?
How to fly a plane
One easy step:
Down.
So i'll be crashing and burning
On this brilliant blue day
Brilliantly blue
But deathly grey sneaks in
To eat the blue for breakfast
The inflight meal
Makes me throw up
As the plane plummets down
Don't play with fire
Don't play with my heart
Too late
As the nose of the plane splinters the trees below
And we all crash
We all burn
But not you
You stand on the ground below
Look up at the explosive display
Orange
Red
Yellow
Burn Burn Burn
And that's when i notice
I'm the only one
In this metallic bird
You're the only one there
On the safe and hard ground
My eyes seem to focus on your's
They only reflect the fire that licks the plane up
How to crash land a plane in one easy step?
Down.