Not Allowed.

I'm not allowed to talk to you

I'm not allowed to see your face

I'm not allowed to speak your name

Or ask for your embrace

I no longer can call you on the phone

And no marathon emails

I can no longer check up on my best friend

I'm not allowed to even call you mine

Silence and space in between

Getting over you takes longer than a day

And a day is what i'll survive

The rest will drag and drag

I'm not allowed to send you a quick message 

To let you know i'm praying or dying

I have to wait til the worst is over

Til my heart can beat without your name echoing

Well, when you suggested this prolonged silence

I nodded once and let the tears fill up my eyes

I steeled myself for the pain to hit my heart

And it slammed into me like a wave in the ocean

Beat against me and knocked me off my feet

Tumbling head over heels over head over heels

And then i washed up on shore

I couldn't move. 

I think my heart is broken

I can't move.

Who knows when i'll be able to get up again

I took down all the pictures of us on the walls of my cell

I deleted all our songs and hastily hid your notes with the pictures

Far away from this room that now seems to be a prison

No light gets through the bars

I had all these hopes and dreams

I can't have them anymore

I'm not allowed and the contraband simply appears in my heart

Daydreams and the night time ones are off limits

I think my heart is broken.

I think it is.

Really and truly

I'm surprised it still manages to beat

My face can find some semblance of a smile

Somewhere

But my muscles don't feel like wasting energy on something i don't mean

I'm not allowed to talk to you?

What?

I....

can't.